Tuesday, May 5, 2009


Desolation is a file, and the endurance of darkness is preparation for great light.
St. John of the Cross quotes (Christian mystic and poet, 1542-1591)

a. Devoid of inhabitants; deserted
b. Barren; lifeless
c. Rendered unfit for habitation or use
d. Dreary; dismal.
e. To forsake; abandon.
f. To make lonely, forlorn, or wretched

I've had the last few days off, but pretty much wasted them. I've been having PANIC attacks again this week, for the first time in about a year. Even though I'm pretty sure now that they are JUST panic attacks, they are still scary. In the back of your mind you are never sure if it really is JUST a panic attack or if you are seriously THIS TIME having that heart attack.

As anyone who is subject to have panic attacks knows, caffiene is a major trigger. So, on top of the panic attacks, I've had caffiene withdrawals for two days. Mainly a major headache. So I haven't accomplished much because my head hurts and you are never quite sure when that next panic attack will strike. Its been a very isolated and dreary two days.

Hence the picture above. I took it at Turkey Creek Sanctuary in Palm Bay, FL. I wasn't sure what i was going to do with it, but it pretty well is a self portrait today. I'm sure things will be better tomorrow. Back to work, back to life. For tonight I think I will go take a walk on the beach to clear my head. Things always look better at the beach.


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